“I proclaimed righteousness in the great congregation; behold, I did not restrain my lips; and that O Lord, you know.”

By now you may have figured out what I’ve taken on for Lent. I never intended to share these writings; but for some reason, I felt the tug to send them out. Now, after reading Psalm 40:10, I understand both why I am writing them, and why I am sharing them. These two are not mutually exclusive, yet they are also not symbiotic.

I do not think kindly of myself, often. Insecurities masked by confidence are common among humans aged 0-100. In truth, I frequently brush off compliments or dismiss them entirely. I suspect this has to do with a question of self-worth. In my mind, I am not worthy to be a leader of people; I do it because there was an inexorable call to my soul, a pulling that I couldn’t sever. I tried. Ultimately, God gets what God wants regarding faithful people. While I may question my worth, I never question my faith. That’s what makes today’s psalm sing in my heart.

I preach and write with conviction. I have never (and do not plan to start) shied away from tough topics or scriptures. I, given my lens and the help of the Holy Spirit, proclaim in the great congregation of my local sphere the words I believe to be true. I do not hold back. I am not afraid. And I have lost many church members and a few friends along the way due to that. Yet I do not restrain my lips. Today, my prayer is one of thanksgiving to God for sustaining me through the difficult times of division and derision. When people have opinions that hurt and words that break, God has grace that carries me through…even if barely due to my own issues. Joy is from God, from proclaiming the Gospel to feeding Lyle (more on Lyle, this Sunday). Joy doesn’t come from accolades; it comes from the knowledge that I attempt to share through words and example the Good News of Jesus Christ.  Even when it is hard.

I hope you do not struggle with self-worth. But if you do, know that you are not alone. This psalm is for you, too. If you attempt to love to your best ability, to speak kindness and righteousness into the world around you? You will hear the words of Matthew 25 ring out in your soul… “well done, good and faithful servant”. And for good measure, be kind to yourself. Love the person God has made. You are beloved, you made from the simplest ingredients yet have been transformed into a masterpiece. God loves you, and me, far more than we can ever fathom; especially if we consider that we have kept at least one of His commandments to us in speaking righteousness to the great congregation. The world.

Speak tenderly but truthfully. Do not let others tell you that you are over-passionate or that your message is disjointed. Do not allow people to tear you down when God gives you something to say. Say it, write it, preach it, and then live it. Some of the ugliest people I have ever met are Christians. But that is just a momentary visage—as I, too, have been terrible at points. All of us are fallible. But we are wonderfully made and have the power to provide a message the great congregation needs: A message of faith, hope and love. And the greatest of these…

…well, you already know.

Faithfully,

Fr. Sean+