Ministry is Small

“We see things with negative eyes, these days. It isn’t that we’re inherently negative, it’s just that the last two years have wired us to see that, first. So, I thought I’d do something about it…”

These were the words from a vestry member this past Monday. They were followed by a beautiful story of joy-finding and positivity. By the time the tale was finished, everyone around the table was smiling, or in my case grinning ear to ear. And the ministry it involved was simplistic genius, which got me thinking…

Why do we make ministry so difficult? I mean, I know that it’s sometimes hard just by virtue of being what it is, but most of the time it isn’t. Most of the time we make it that way—like trying to pull blood from a stone, or at least it feels that way. “How can I do the new thing? How can we create a cutting-edge ministry that will affect the world around us?” While these are good questions to ponder, I wonder at the toll it takes on us to try and reinvent the wheel. This query came to light again in my mind after talking to yet another person from the church, yesterday.

They were doing a simple yet needed ministry in the midst of which, deeper connection was made. Not because of a contrived sense of “Well, I’m here, and so I should ‘do’ something extra”, being instead a moment of grace-filled conversation. When they told me about their interaction, I found myself grinning again, just like two days ago.

I think we are trying to make meaning of the world around us in the best of times. Given all that we’ve undergone in the recent past, meaning-making takes on a whole new depth. We need it. We need hope amidst the chaos, and we need bright spots of life. Church people have been banging our heads against the wall trying to figure out the way forward—in some cases, that’s a necessary evil, as the world has changed so must we. But ministry is still, at its heart, the same. Love God. Love your neighbor.

The negative will rear its ugly head in many situations. As a friend recently stated, “Spend your time seeking the positive moments and sharing them together, because the negative ones will find you all on their own.” We would be wise to seek the positive every day, going against the grain of current context and seeking that which can bring joy rather than hopelessness. It’s the small moments in the day: A word from a friend, a laugh shared with a stranger, a simple ‘l love you’ from someone. Those are all ministries—known ways to impart meaning in this otherwise unknown world in which we are now living.

Instead of searching for that particular ‘aha’ moment, perhaps call a friend. Rather than stew about that which we ‘should’ do, concentrate on that which we are doing. The world hasn’t gone to hell. The sky isn’t falling. We just live in an age where it feels like those things are ever-present at the fore of our minds. Maybe it’s time we rewired ourselves, hitting the refresh button and attempting to see the world as the beautiful place it is, despite all the horrid experiences of late. Because in the midst of even our worst times, there are blessings. We just have to have eyes to see them.

Give someone a sticker. Listen to an older person’s tales. See the joy on a child’s face. Let the wind caress your skin and the sun shine down. It’s gonna be okay, y’all. I don’t know how. But I know that as long as God is with us, we’re going to make it. Ministry is love in its working form. And that work is as simple as we want it to be. Take time to see that and know that God is here with us in those everyday moments. Choose to search for the good, and the good is what you’ll find. Even in the worst of situations.

Faithfully,

Fr. Sean+

Rest and Return

“You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else!” It’s a line I’ve heard and said for years now; to clergy, to teachers, to…well, everyone who works anywhere. Vocations and occupations can be exhausting to the point of burnout, regardless of the work. No one comes out of working full-time, without taking a break, unscathed. But how do we rest? That seems to be an area of frustration for many—especially American—workers. The U.S. is number 25 in hours worked per week/per worker in the world. Our people are tired, many are underpaid, and many have health issues arise from the constant barrage of needy workplaces. It's difficult to even know how to rest, much less take the time to actually do it. But if we look at the person we admire most, we see that it's possible.

Jesus knew how to rest. If you read closely, Christ repeatedly disappears for snippets of time to go pray, reflect, and take small moments of respite. If God can do it, why can’t we? Why are we so enamored with the idea that over-working is a healthy thing, and something to which we should aspire? Christ healed the sick, rose people from death, and made booze for parties--using river water! Yet, throughout all of that, Jesus rested. God created the world in six easy steps (sarcasm), and then guess what? GOD RESTED. Yet, we are so caught up in our identities at work that, without them, we feel like we're failing. Note: I understand that some people have to work three jobs just to survive--I'm not blind to that, and I understand that there are some who don't have vacation time as an option; who don't get 'sick days' or 'mental health days'. But still, there are moments when even the busiest of us can step away, even for twenty minutes, just to pray and refresh. Just to rest.

Rest is different for everyone, which is kind of funny when people talk about their vacations or moments of respite. For some, a beach is what the doctor ordered—others seek mountains, while even more just simply enjoy being at home and tinkering. One of the most prevalent causes of death in our country is heart disease, if not the most. It’s because we don’t rest enough, we don’t recuperate and seek that regeneration that comes from doing the small things that we always push to the side in the name of work or a busy life. But by doing so, we’re only hurting ourselves. We can become easily irritated, sleep-deprived, lethargic, and even apathetic to our surroundings. Without the rest, the return never happens…

…because we never really left.

If we are to follow Christ, to walk in His ways and abide in Him, shouldn’t we also take moments of peace, times of rest?

I’m lucky to have a vocation that offers me the opportunity to vacate—it’s on me to make that happen. For the first few years, I didn’t do it so well; I’d ‘go on vacation’ but I wouldn’t set my emails to ‘out of office’ and I’d take every call that came through. It wasn’t healthy, it wasn’t helping, and it wasn’t respite. Now, I’ve realized something that I heard a priest say many years ago when I asked her how she did it—how she was able to find time to step away and recharge. Her answer? “The church has been here for thousands of years. Surely it can make it without me for one week.”

That simple statement didn’t sink in until recently. And now, I can’t believe I ever thought any differently.

So, this week, I urge you all to take a look at your calendars. Find that moment to step away, to pray and meditate, or to go drink a beer at the lake. You can’t help anyone, take care of anyone, if you don’t help yourself. With the recent year that we’ve had, and the impending uptick of another potential bout, right now is a good time to step away and recharge…if you can. But whether it’s now or in a few months, take the time—no—make the time to step away and take care of yourselves. Accounting, teaching, engineering, business owning…all that stuff has been around for longer than any of us.

And it will all be there when we get back.

So, go. Take a nap on a Tuesday afternoon. Go. Spend a weekend with your phone off and your eyes on the things you want to do. Go. Rest.

And return recharged for what lies ahead.

Jesus did.

So can you.

Faithfully,

Fr. Sean+

Waiting for an Eternity

Yesterday a friend of mine came by for a chat. We always share stories with one another of where we see God in the world, and this occasion was no different. They and their significant other are moving next year, building a house in another city, and retiring. The place where they’re building is a gated community—before you judge that, realize that through hard work, careful planning, and a lot of luck, they were able to do so. Anyhow, the entrance into this community has a gatehouse; people have to stop, provide their name and be cleared to enter.

My friend recently took a trip down with another friend because they wanted the other to see the new site. No dirt has been disturbed yet, but it’s still something they want to share with their loved ones. So, the two of them pulled up to the gate and the gatekeeper walked over to the car. My friend rolled down their window, stated their name, and said that they were headed to the design office, to see the blueprints of their new home. The gatekeeper, hearing this, leaned in conspiratorially and softly asked, “If you don’t mind, could you tell me the address where you’re planning to build?” My friend, not shy, said “I’m not certain of the number but it’s on the corner of such and such.”

The gatekeeper beamed, smiling from ear to ear and simply said, “I’ve been waiting for you.”

Confused, my friend just sat there awaiting the explanation. Some may have found this odd, but this person is a friend to the world—embracing all in their path. “Why is that?”, they asked.

“Well, ever since I found out someone had purchased that lot, I’ve been discreetly asking people their addresses when they move through here. I’ve not had much luck until today—until you. You see, I’m your new neighbor, and I’ve been waiting to meet you for months, now.” After a few more words and no shortage of smiles, my friend and their companion moved on, going to the design house to see the blueprints.

A little later, the gatekeeper showed up again. Without preamble, my friend and the keeper embraced—the best hug either of them had experienced in some time. They chatted excitedly about what it would be like to live near one another, what the neighbors were like, and how they could convene and have refreshments together at the end of the day…

This is a beautiful story about loving your neighbor. It’s something I harp on from the pulpit more often than not, and I absolutely adored hearing it. But something else struck me as the tale ended…

This is how God views us.

God is the gatekeeper to eternal life. All we have to do is simply pull up to the gate, state our name, and God will say, “I’ve been waiting for you,” beaming with love and affection. Many people will pass by that place, not knowing who waits for them, there; but through faith, the directions are provided by the Holy Spirit and the land is purchased by Jesus Christ. Through thoughtful prayer, devout faith, and a lot of grace, we can look forward to this reward. Inside, a safe retirement awaits. A place where pain and sorrow are no more, neither sighing (as the prayer book states). God stands at attention, awaiting each of us to stake our claim in the Kingdom, hoping that we will make that right turn into His loving embrace and be welcomed as friend, as beloved, as neighbor. Then the inevitable embrace occurs—the eternal embrace of grace that wraps us in insoluble love and affection. Like children returning home after a long semester away, God throws open the gate and says, “Welcome home. I am so grateful you’re here. I have prepared a place for you, because in your heart, you prepared a place for me.”

“I’ve been waiting for you. Thank you for coming home.”

Faithfully,

Fr. Sean+

Come as You Are

Why should we get baptized? Furthermore, why should we even come to church? I mean, what’s the point of going somewhere holy when we are not even close to being ‘right’ with God, sometimes?

These are all questions asked ubiquitously throughout society. Many young people question their worth in terms of God’s love. “I’m just so messed up, right now…I feel like I can’t come to church because I’ve done so many bad things, made so many mistakes.” Guess what? Me, too. The problem with our faith isn’t that it’s too small—it’s that our expectations of ourselves are too great. So many people feel as though God expects perfection before entering into Baptism, Confirmation, or even the church doors. That simply is not the case. That’s when God wants us the most—to meet us where we are, in the trenches of sin, fighting to keep our heads down and ascend to the next level of maturity so that we can consider entering the holy spaces we so desperately want to attend.

Yet, our own failures keep us from getting closer to God. God doesn’t care where you are at any given point, in terms of desiring you. God’s desire for us is deeper than any ocean and wider than any plain. The only thing God desires is for us to love each other, love Him, and love ourselves. That’s it. When we start living into that notion of perfect imperfection, we begin to see ourselves as God sees us, even if only a fraction of that image: The created, beloved, unique miracles of an understanding and amazing Creator.

So why come to church? Because you go to the doctor when you’re sick—you go to church when you’re seeking. Why be baptized? Because you take a shower to refresh your body, using water—you take on water and oil on your head to refresh and realign your soul. Why be confirmed? Because you constantly state your beliefs on facebook and everywhere else, just so people know where you stand—in confirmation, you’re saying that you believe in your baptism and will treat everyone with dignity, everyone with love, everyone as sister or brother.

In short, the answers are easy—accepting grace is hard. If God believes you worthy of His love and desire, of forgiveness and grace…who are you, who am I, to disagree?

Come and see.

Come and be changed.

Come to the table and receive the food your starving soul has desired for so long.

 Come. Practice Resurrection.

Faithfully,

Fr. Sean+

The Ministry of Presence

I learned quite a bit last week. I learned that people’s faith—or lack thereof—amidst a crisis determines their reactions and interactions with one another. Grief is a powerful motivator. When people hold different beliefs from one another, yet are set in the same scenario, chaos can ensue. What I beheld last week was not that. Instead, I watched a family gather, despite their differences, and make compromises (not concessions of faith) to accommodate one another through their grief. Each of them held a different theology—including some that held no theology—and the conversations surrounding that were graceful and loving.
 
I watched Jesus’ intention behind ‘Love thy neighbor’ come to fruition.
 
I’ll be honest and say that it wasn’t easy. These folks struggled with some of the decisions made, taking their time to process their own emotions and individual understandings of God in concert with the ‘other’. Tears were shed born from grief, but also from frustration. No one in the group wanted to deny their own belief, no one wanted to disappoint God by virtue of denying their principles. And yet, everyone was able to come together after taking that time, gathering in unity to honor their beloved dead.
 
I was amazed.
 
The world would feel quite different if we were all able to take our theologies and stand firm in them, without feeling the need to prove anything. Think on it: If we were able to simply believe with steadfast faith and assurance, and not try to project what’s ‘right’ onto someone else, wouldn’t that be something to behold? We spend so much time trying to prove whether we’re right or wrong “Because the Bible says so” that we never stop to think about the way in which people understand the written word of God. Each of us is made in God’s image—the Imago Dei—and each of us is unique within that created beauty. Therefore, each of us, having a personal relationship with God, will have subtle nuanced views on who God is. That doesn’t make us ‘right’ to someone else, but it does create a sense of peace with who we are in relationship to our Creator.
 
I’m struck by my own need to prove my creed. Why? Why do I feel the need to argue with others about their beliefs? Why do I need to defend a God who is so powerful that not even death has dominion over Him? Why do I get frustrated when people refer to God as ‘she’? It’s done plenty of times within scripture, just as the reference to father is made. Why do I need to argue about who’s living wrongly and who’s sinning in particular ways? Who am I to determine what sins are worthy of exclusion from the community? 
 
The answer to that last one, at least, is this: I am not qualified to make those assertions.
 
I am not God.
 
And neither are any of you.
 
But too often, we place ourselves in the position of God’s lawyer, arguing point and counterpoint to assuage our own insecurities or needs to be ‘right’. I’m not going to do that anymore. After watching this group of people come together, I realized that it’s not, nor has it ever been, about me and my faith. The ministry of presence is to do just that: Be present. That’s it. Our conversations about God should include the various ways we’ve experienced Him, the miraculous, the grace-filled moments, the unceasing conversations between us and Him, the way we understand Him.
 
But. Only. If. We. Are. Asked.
 
Otherwise, we are called to simply state that we love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. The ‘how’ isn’t something that needs be included. Offering up too much information often lands us in a place of discord. We should be able to hold firm to our faith, while also making room for alternative points of view—not necessarily agreeing with them, but at least honoring the other person in the conversation enough to listen. After all, we don’t know what we don’t know, and my friends, there’s quite a bit we don’t know.
 
I encourage all of us to venture out into the world with God in our hearts but patience on our tongues and love in our ears. Angry arguments are not a gift that we are required to accept and participate within. Instead, let our hearts and minds and the knowledge and love of God fill us, allowing us to believe in the same everlasting Father who created billions of people, all with their own opinions and beliefs. And recognize that ours may not be the only answer--that a paradox of truths is a possibility in this large world. And what a world that could be.
 
That’s the world I want to live in.

And I will, with God’s help.
 
Faithfully,
 
Fr. Sean+

Heroes and Heroines Fail?

Most people have or have had a hero or a heroine in their lifetime. Some may wear capes, some may deliver presents alongside eight tiny reindeer, some may wear scrubs, while others don puffy suits and walk on the moon. For many of us, our parents and extended family are also heroic—although it is important to acknowledge that this isn’t the case for everyone. In our youth, our parents seem invincible; they know so much! They teach us to walk, to speak, to ride bikes; they disappear for hours on end and come home filled with enough energy to still play with us and continue to teach new and exciting things.
 
Then, around the age of twelve to thirteen, our heroines or heroes start to become ‘less’ in our minds. As we age, the luster surrounding mythical crusaders and our loved ones, fades. We begin to see cracks in the armor of these valiant beings—that they are human after all, or that they simply don’t exist. The sleigh and reindeer are fake, and someone has been stealing our teeth this whole time; OR our parents become human and we start noticing that their energy is waning. Either way, our world-view is diminished somewhat because of our own arrogance. We start to think that we know more. We begin to think that they know less. We stop taking the advice of those who reared us into existence and taught us to tie our shoes, instead choosing to speak to them with condescending tones and very little patience.
 
Picture this borrowed example:
 
A young child’s first word is duck. Every day, all day long, the only word that comes out of their mouths is ‘duck’. “Duck! Duck…duck, duck, duck…” and so it goes. The parent/guardian smiles deeply with joy, knowing that their offspring is beginning to understand the world—all those sacrifices and sleepless nights are bearing fruit as the first words form. For weeks, ‘duck’ is the only word they hear—yet it is the sweetest sound, like a symphony of joy playing on repeat.
 
Years later, more words are formed. These, unlike the first, come in waves of good and bad; the symphony is diminished a bit. Sometimes the child-turned-young adult says harsh words. Sometimes it’s so bad that they actually cause pain to the one who taught them to speak. Tears of joy turn to ash and are replaced by tears of frustration and anger. “Where did I go wrong? How did we go from ‘Duck’ to ‘You don’t care about me’”? Parents become the target of everything wrong with our lives, and we often place blame where it doesn’t belong.
 
Then, one day, the parent is telling a story on the phone or in a living room and the adult child interrupts, “You’ve already told me this.” With little patience, the child cuts off the story, trying to move on to the next ‘thing’. The parent, eyes misty and heart hurting, looks at the child and says, “Remember your first word?”
“Yes, of course…it was ‘duck’, why?”
“I remind you just because I want you to know that I never got tired of hearing your voice, even if it was the same thing over and over…”
 
That’s what we do to our heroes and heroines. We diminish them, then we prematurely silence them in many ways. We retire them early, in terms of advice or wisdom, and then realize too late that we should’ve listened to that story one more time, or waited patiently while they searched for the word they’d lost in their minds.
 
God is our parent. Our ultimate parent. During our youth, God is heroic—giving his only son, forgiving our sins, granting our prayers, and just being awesome all the time. That’s God for a child. We never blame God for anything in those early years—we just know that God loves us and we love God…and if bad stuff happens, we wonder why but we know that our parents and God will still love us. We ask God to take care of our friends. Then we get older. The world takes a darker tint and our experiences lead us to depressive states. Suddenly, instead of saying ‘I love you, Jesus’, some people challenge his existence. Rather than folding our little hands at night before bed and praying for our moms and dads, we turn off the lights and stare blankly at the ceiling, thinking about the next day.
 
And sometimes we just give up on God’s same ol’ stories and become impatient—waiting on another miracle or answered prayer to appear. When it doesn’t, we get angry and stop listening. God stops becoming our hero and heroine, and instead becomes a source from which all blame and anger can be cast. We forget our bible stories, we stop spending time in prayer, we stop thinking about others and hyper-focus on ourselves.
 
Just like the parent from the example earlier, God sighs too deep for words. Ever-patient, he waits for us to return, holding ready with a longing embrace. God remembers that our creation wasn’t to be subservient and robotic—that would be pointless. Instead, that memory is of a race created to love one another and love God, back. Our harsh words and thoughtless actions undo this image, separating it from the one intended. Our God, our hero, is diminished every time something bad happens.
 
Why?
 
What did we ever do to earn grace? What have we ever done to deserve prosperity or love? What right to we have to demand miracles and answered prayers from a God who already gave everything to keep the doors of eternal life opened? On the same token, why do we treat our parents the same way? Those who taught us to hold a fork, put shoes on the correct feet, and tried to love us to the best of their ability; don’t they deserve a bit more patience and a lot less blame? Doesn’t God? If loving God and our folks is contingent upon recurring blessings, then that’s not real love—that’s a transactional relationship. “If you do this, I’ll do that” shouldn’t be our reason to love the people around us, and it damned sure shouldn’t be the reason we love God.
 
It turns out that our heroes and heroines never fail us—we fail them. Just like we continuously fail God. Yet, throughout all those failings, God remains with us just waiting for us to accept that the free will in this created life is what takes it away or makes it better—not because some cosmic being arbitrarily decides who lives and dies, who’s rich or poor, who’s loved or hated. When terrible things happen to us, I hope we remember that we have a choice in those moments: We can choose to blame God or our parents, or we can choose to remember that this is a life in which we can’t control everything and sometimes, stuff happens. It’s what we do after that matters. We can still see our Creator and parents as heroes and heroines. With the latter, we can love them through the later years and remember that they changed our diapers once, too. That they were patient when we didn’t know the words. That they stayed up late with us, losing sleep, so that we could cry while being held.
 
With God, we can remember that we did nothing to deserve the spark of life. We can recognize that God isn’t to blame for all the crap that happens in this world; that he always cares and is willing to hold us while we cry, rejoice, or are simply in need of love.
 
And then, we can become the heroes and heroines that our parents are.
 
And then, we can become the children of God that he so desperately longs for us to be.
 
Faithfully,
 
Fr. Sean+

The God I Serve

Why do bad things happen to good people? It’s a question accompanying most conversations regarding the existence of God. The question of theodicy—the apologetic which addresses the existence of evil in the face of a benevolent God—is one that plagues people, sowing doubt in the hearts and minds of those trying to discern the existence of God. It makes sense from a pragmatic view. If God is omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient, then shouldn’t God prevent atrocities? Shouldn’t God have saved my loved ones from dying? Shouldn’t God keep me from being homeless, depressed, lonely, sick, and/or the victim of violence?

But that’s not how any of this works.

We were created in the Imago Dei—the Image of God. Instilled in us was and is free will to make decisions based upon our relationship with God and with others. We don’t live a quid pro quo life in relationship with God; it isn’t transactional, “If you do this for me, I’ll do that for you.” Many times, people without belief (and, to be honest, many people with belief) resort to this type of human understanding. We tend towards the meritorious lifestyle—a life lived by earning what we have or being praised/raised up for our deeds. While this is a good lesson in capitalism, it’s a poor theology to hold. We can’t expect God to answer every prayer we have, as we don’t know the mind of God nor do we hold the power to subvert nature. God holds that power; but if God continuously subverted nature’s free will due to our desires, then nature would cease to have free will, entirely. The same is said for us.

The choices people make in life can lead to violence—someone chooses to commit a crime against their neighbor, against an organization, or any other number of instances. When we pray for peace, we are not doing so with the expectation that God will cease all violence in the world—to do so would be to take away the free will with which we were created. Instead, we pray for peace without particular expectation—we pray in hope that God will instill in us the courage to spread the good news of Jesus Christ, thereby changing hearts on the ground rather than from ‘on high’. It is within God’s power to wash violence away from the planet, but again I stress that God would be changing God’s beloved creation. We would no longer be able to make choices for ourselves, instead becoming indentured servants to a tyrannical being who created us solely to worship without question or choice. That’s not the God I serve.

The God I serve is the God of compassion and feeling. The God I serve is the one who freely gave a Son to redeem the world. The God I serve doesn’t rejoice in our hardships or cause them; but does walk with us—or carry us—through them if we have the hearts to ask. God doesn’t always cure depression, anxiety, cancer, violence, poverty, racism, hatred, or anything else in answer to our prayers. Instead, those prayers serve as a living conversation between us and God that allows for hope in otherwise hopeless situations. Our faith in God shouldn’t be based upon “What have you done for me, lately?” but rather, “Thank you for what you’ve done, already; please be with me, always.” It isn’t easy to live this lifestyle, to live into the faith of that which is not seen yet believed. If it were easy, then belief would be cheap and this life wouldn’t be necessary. We’re here to minister to each other, love one another, and try to fill the voids created by others’ disbelief through discipleship and patience. Why? Because of what comes next.

That’s what eternal life offers us—the promise of a place where sorrow and pain are no more, neither sighing but life everlasting. This plane is made to be lived upon in faith, hope, and love. Faith that God will make all things new; hope that joy and comfort will prevail over fear and hatred; love that surpasses all understanding, the love of God who gave Himself up on the cross in the form of Jesus Christ. When bad things happen to good people—or anyone, really—it shouldn’t be a question of whether or not God exists.

It should be a moment to rise up and claim the good news of Jesus Christ in the face of everything else. If we do that—if we can be faithful in the midst of tragedy, hold hope when all seems lost, and love even when we don’t understand ‘the other’—then we will begin to live into that created image in which we were lovingly created. And that’s all we can really ask for, because it’s all God asks of us.

Faithfully,

Fr. Sean+

What Can You Do?

One of my favorite movies is “Big Trouble in Little China”. It’s probably the best horrible movie in existence. The lead character is Jack Burton; a truck-driving, tank-top wearing, long-haired wiseacre with charisma and a few loose screws. You know…the normal hero for the eighties/nineties. In the opening credits of the ‘film’, Jack spouts off a series of one-liners from his CB, while truckin’ in the storm. One of those odes to writing is this:

“…just remember what ol’ Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big ol’ storm right square in the eye and he says, ‘Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it.’”

The bravado! The gusto! Jack Burton is unflappable. Well, until faced with an eight-foot lightning-throwing demi-god, but then I think we can all agree that it’s time to run. Jack has this confident stride and smooth talk that he exudes throughout the movie, yet you get glimpses of what’s underneath during the real moments.

I think we’re all like this. We don’t want to show the world our insecurities or our faults—we’d rather pretend that ‘we can take it’ and keep moving, unscathed. God forbid we have weak moments; heaven help us if we just need to sit down and take a breather! Because we don’t want to project our problems onto anyone else. We’d rather post the best pictures of our lives on Facebook than tell the whole story of what happens in between those photos—the grief, the hardship, the stress. As long as we show the world a smiling face, everyone will think of us as worthy leaders, teachers, accountants, doctors, etc… So what can you do?

But the truth is far more complex than that. Because we are broken, each of us in our own way. Some have less resiliency than others, some have more acute stressors. Some struggle with depression while others fight the battle of alcoholism. Some hold deep insecurities. Some hold fear of failure. Some just feel alone. In this world, sometimes we can’t ‘take it’ all. We need help. We need people to hold us up without fear of reprisal or judgment. Sometimes we just need someone to say, “You know what? You don’t have to pretend that everything is okay when it isn’t. I’m here for you and I’ll listen.” That’s what Jesus wants for us. Jesus wants us to love one another and be able to lean upon our friends and fellow travelers during the storm. Because more likely than naught, our friends and fellows are struggling with something, too.

That makes community life all the more important. Real community doesn’t care about who you are in the world or what title you hold. Real community only cares about you—the real you, the one that is fallible, bumbling, joyful, sad, wicked-smart, insecure, savvy…all the things that you are at one point or another. Real community cares for those things because that’s the Imago Dei—the image that God has for us. To be together. To be real. To not let the little things divide us or drive us away, but instead to allow for the valleys to be walked through together and not alone.

What can you do? I think that needs to change into, “What can ‘we’ do?” instead.

We are so much better when united. SO much more loving when tragedy strikes, allowing all the ‘stuff’ to simply fade into the background as we pick each other up and move through tragedy and turmoil. I encourage each of you to remember this. The effects of Covid are far from over—we will begin to see the aftermath soon. I want you to know that you’re not alone, and that you have a community that will stand with you so that your, “I can take it” turns into “My friends and I can take it, with God’s help.”

That’s what we can do. And we can do it, together.

Faithfully,

Fr. Sean+

A Grief Observed with Love

“Are you okay?”

It’s the first question we ask when faced with someone experiencing any type of hardship. In our hearts, we know they aren’t ‘okay’; but the words inexorably tumble out of our mouths. We need to say something—anything—to engage them into conversation; sometimes out of a pure desire to assess the situation, other times because we simply don’t know what else to ask. Yet, silence isn’t an option, either. If we don’t engage, we become seemingly thoughtless bystanders, watching the horror show that is our loved ones’ tragedy. As C.S. Lewis writes in his own experience, A Grief Observed:

“An odd byproduct of my loss is that I’m aware of being an embarrassment to everyone I meet. At work, at the club, in the street, I see people, as they approach me, trying to make up their minds whether they’ll ‘say something about it’ or not. I hate it if they do. And if they don’t.”

Lewis knows. His own struggle with grief strikes the heart of the matter: He knows he isn’t an embarrassment due to his grief—he feels that he is the cause of embarrassment to others who have no earthly clue as to how they can approach him, or, leave him alone. He wants neither, and both. It’s an odd place to be in the midst of grief—much like being in a pool filled with purified drinking water while dying of thirst, yet unable to drink it; we rather prefer the taste of our own tears, gulping down more air with which to scream and rail at God—or anyone else—for our suffering. Yet we don’t want to do that alone or in the company of anyone else. It is the paradox of grief.

Then comes the inevitable, “I’m sorry”. While we mean well, what we don’t understand is that we’re asking for them to become the caring one in that moment—in our minds, this isn’t true; we really do feel sorrow for the other person. But the truth is, saying ‘I’m sorry’ will evoke an ‘it’s okay’ response. Sometimes, if we’re lucky, the other person will understand from where we’re coming and answer, ‘thank you’—but most of the time, people are too embroiled in grief or trauma to have that kind of situational awareness. We are not helping in those moments, as much as we mean otherwise.

So, now what? How can we ‘be there’ for someone without effusing meaningless phrases? What does it look/sound like to ‘help’ someone through grief? Through trauma?

I’m no expert on those two subjects, at least no more than anyone else who has endured them. Grief and trauma are contextual; at best, our job as support is to do just that: support. The question then turns from, “Are you okay?” to “What do you need?” Many times, the initial answer will be, “I honestly don’t know.” But eventually, by keeping the question alive, the answer comes. It, too, being contextual. The main thing to remember when dealing in grief and trauma is to be present. Simply sitting with someone and not saying or doing anything seems like the perfect response to Lewis’ paradox of ‘I hate it when they do. And when they don’t.’ If we can be brave enough to let our only question be about the person, not about us (Notice that I didn’t write, “What can I do for you”, but rather, “What do you need”), then we may just find a way to be present without being obtrusive.

I think back to when my friends lost their baby. There are no words, no actions that can mitigate that kind of pain. I don’t have to go through it to know that—no parent should ever lose a child. But being present with them, allowing them to speak when they wanted, cry when they wanted, all without injecting how wonderful a help I could be and without asking empty questions just to gain responses, seemed to be enough help in and of itself. Eventually they opened up, and they needed us to listen to them, to cry with them, and to hold them up.

Christ’s commandment to love our neighbors as ourselves is one that asks us to walk in their shoes, see from their perspective when possible. If not, then it is boiled down to a simple choice: Can we love without getting in the way? Are we able to not be the hero—to not need to feel like we’ve done something to help the other, and simply allow grief to happen? Our greatest weakness as compassionate humans can be to over-function in times of turmoil. If we are willing to lay down questions that we already know the answers to, then perhaps we can pick up on the silence and hear the truth of their situation through it.

Perhaps we can observe grief first, and through invitation and patience, be a part of that grief observed.

Faithfully,

Fr. Sean+

Be at Peace, at Your Pace

What a heavy week—Holy without a doubt—but heavy. As a friend and I were talking, we likened last week’s return to in person worship to ‘drinking from a spiritually-charged theological fire hydrant.’ We both missed gathered worship, but the emotions evoked from seeing other people in the pews coupled with the messages and liturgy of the week were almost too much to contain. To put it plainly, it was a lot.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the months to come will contain as much or more of the same. Seeing people for the first time in a year brought out emotions and tears that I didn’t know I had been holding in; I hadn’t recognized the depth of sadness that had seeped into my bones over the last twelve months. I saw it on your faces, too. What a wonderful sadness—a testament to the life and vitality of Church of the Resurrection’s community—that so many of us reacted the way in which we did. It was and will continue to be a beautiful experience, if last week is any indication, the coming weeks and months will affect our senses more than we realize.

What a wonderful prospect.

The world will never be the same, post-Covid. I am not naïve enough to believe that everything will return to the way it was; yet, I am faithful enough to realize that old ways need to be made new, and that the ‘new normal’ is a resurrection in and of itself. The tears and smiles, joy and relief are all part of this new normal—and we’ve barely scratched its surface. My advice to all of us is to remember our own needs for reentering the social sphere. Be cognizant of your own abilities to take in the changes life will inevitably produce this coming year. If you find yourself overwhelmed, go back to Zoom for a moment, for a respite; that’s why its there. Eventually, the time will come when we’re all ready to embrace the new ways and marry them to the old ones, creating a hybrid by which ministry casts a broader net. But in the meantime, take care to take care. This return shouldn’t feel like a weighty burden, it should feel like a breath of fresh air.

So, as I say at the end of every service, be at peace. Don’t look forward in fear or anxiety to the changes of the coming days, rather look to them with hope as they arise. God has brought us through the hardest days of this pandemic and will continue to carry those who need more time to encounter the world in person, again. Put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you from home, at church, or wherever you choose to be. As Jesus says, ‘Come unto me all that travail and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.’ This return is a marathon, not a sprint; there is no finish line, just the journey to be enjoyed.

Enjoy it at your pace. And in God’s peace.

Faithfully,

Fr. Sean+