A lack of communication occurred this past Sunday. My opening statement of “I hate New Orleans” was received by many as “I hate Mormons”. While somewhat amusing, this is not what I said—I can only imagine people unable to pay attention to the following lines of the sermon due to wondering why I hated Mormons. This leads me to believe that many may have missed why I said, “I hate New Orleans”. I don’t, really. I was attempting to prove a point about hearing second-hand information and making a decision based upon it rather than exploring the content on my own. I’ve never been to New Orleans. How could I possibly know whether or not I liked it?
The rest of the day was spent reading comical text messages and receiving phone calls about my sudden ire against Mormons. Again, I have nothing against the Mormon people—also, I know very little about their contemporary theology or goings-on.
Which led me to ponder this: How much is being lost in translation every day? The way in which we speak to one another matters, words matter. Words have meaning, yes, but they also contain power and authority. I find myself wandering in some conversations due to a word that is used, thus missing the content of the rest of the interaction. It’s an issue on which I’m working. Yet, I marvel at the power of words and the way we use them.
In conversation, especially difficult conversation, our words are not always received as intended. Ever had that happen? You make, according to you, an innocuous statement only to discern that it has been received as something completely unintended? Again, see hating Mormons above. When this happens, the spirit of the conversation is lost and the give-and-take turns to an argument over what was said, rather than the initial reason for the dialogue. When this occurs, our ability to communicate is lessened.
The sad thing? This happens all the time and is incapable of being completely averted (especially for the more loquacious individuals out there).
All we can do when these situations happen is take time, give time, and offer an apology. It is up to the person on the other end of the line to accept, refuse, or engage in future conversation. But it doesn’t give us license to wash our hands of the hurt. If you crumple a piece of paper, apologize to it and smooth it out, it’s still going to have remnants of the previous harm committed to it. When we say things to people that hurt them, there will usually be things thrown back at us, in turn, inflicting injury as well.
How do we break that cycle? How can we more effectively communicate?
This is where I believe our faith and system of believe can aid us in striking ways. If we are able to hold ourselves accountable for misspoken or ill-communicated ideals, then perhaps the other will be able to do the same. If we can apologize without adding an additional line, “I am sorry for the way I said what I said, but…” then the relationship and conversation can continue to thrive rather than be fractured. In most cases.
Jesus used confusing words with the people and the disciples around him. All the time. They were called parables. Even his best pal Peter had a difficult time understanding his buddy Christ, evoking Jesus’ righteous anger in the words “Get behind me, Satan.” Peter’s understanding wasn’t there, so he started talking rather than remaining silent until the rest of the thought was conveyed. If it happened between Christ and Peter, you can better believe it’s going to happen to us. The question: How will we respond?
When words fail, hearts prevail. It is our calling to be loving individuals, even when we do not like one another, momentarily. We are tasked with being forgiving people. Sometimes the only words that will work in tense situations are, “I’m sorry. I mean it. This is what I was trying to say…” And then allowing the other time to process the situation. It isn’t trite to type these words—it’s our Christian duty. With the upcoming election in 2024, with the ever-rising debate on…everything…we, now more than ever, have to remember our baptismal vows to “love and respect the dignity of every human being” and “proclaim by word and example the Good News of Jesus Christ.
Words have power and authority, yet language is broken and so are we. Thanks be to God that we have Christ as a mediator and advocate, to allow those broken moments to heal through the power of faith and love.
Faithfully,
Fr. Sean+