“Is it okay that I don’t ‘like’ my kids all the time? I mean, I always love them more than life itself, but I don’t always like them…”
We were in the midst of celebrating with thirty of our other friends—new and old—as he dropped this question in the middle of the table. My mind immediately reminded me of the time my folks had a talk with me concerning my attitude and general disposition, “We love you honey, but we don’t like you very much right now.” I didn’t understand how you could love someone and not like them. It didn’t make sense. Now that I’ve grown up (well, perhaps aged) I recognize the differences, as I am sure you do, too.
I think this is one of the many issues why some people don’t attend church. There may be this underlying notion that ‘we’ all like each other all the time; after service, we all get together and talk about puppy dogs and ice cream. I mean, we do spend an inordinate time in this community talking about dogs but that’s just because dogs are amazing. However, I wish people would set aside those preconceived notions of perfection and utopia. Because, and let’s be honest here: Church is messy sometimes.
The idea that utopic worship and community exists on this plane is ridiculous. Any time a large group of people gather together repeatedly, there will be differences of opinion; there will be disagreements on theology; political lines will be drawn; feelings will be hurt. That’s the truth. Yet, we still come together. Why? Because we love each other, even during those moments when we don’t particularly like one another. Small spats and even longer moments of discord are part of the human condition—we’re passionate! However, love means taking a deep breath and continuing doing life together. Imagine if God predicated God’s love for us on ‘liking’ us, first. I won’t lie, I’d be in serious trouble…and I imagine, if you’re honest, sometimes you would be, too.
The people we love the most are the ones who drive us to madness. Knowing how much God loves us, I’m surprised the Earth hasn’t been redesigned for dogs. Because…dogs. But still, God sticks with us. God continues to show grace and mercy. Humanity continues to bumble and heaven sighs too deep for words at our inanity; God takes a breath and keeps giving life to us, so that we can continue doing life together—going even so far as to give up His child, the one with whom he was well-pleased, the one he loved and liked, so that we could be saved from ourselves.
So, I looked him in the eye and said some of what I just wrote. I’m sure the language was a little more colorful in some parts, but the sentiment was the same: Yes, it’s okay not to ‘like’ your kids, your family, your friends, your neighbors, sometimes. Because you know you’ll always love them, and you’d give up anything to ensure their survival. That’s how we know a little bit of God resides within us, because we inherited an infinitesimal spark of goodness that ignites our souls into action, into love.
Churches aren’t perfect. Communities aren’t perfect. I am not perfect. Neither are you. But our love for each other should strive to be perfect, in that it has been handed down through a long line of love that began in a manger and never ended.
Hopefully we will like each other most of the time.
I know we will love each other, forever.
Faithfully,
Fr. Sean+